Tents, Forts, and Tree Houses are the coolest. Seth just asked me how to spell, "Club", so he and Jonah must be up to something. I wonder if girls (Violet) are allowed.
Monday, March 30, 2009
Tent Time
Tents, Forts, and Tree Houses are the coolest. Seth just asked me how to spell, "Club", so he and Jonah must be up to something. I wonder if girls (Violet) are allowed.
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Get Some Free Counseling Here
My friend from college, Mary, recently had a really good post that shares some things she has learned from counseling. I thought it was great. Mary was my roommate at the Elms Apartments after Melissa went on a mission. So here's Mary...
Woulda, Coulda, Shoulda
Good evening! Let me step up on my soapbox of sorts for a few minutes. This phrase represents a very prevalent mindset for many people. However, since I am unqualified to speak for any more than myself, I will personalize it and you may do the same for yourself, if you wish.
Regret and guilt are too often the defining factors in my self respect and attitude toward life. I repeatedly and progressively feel the weight of all the things I should have done and should be doing if only; all the things I could have been or could be if only; and all the degrading justifications in the would have beens or would be if only. Some examples include, I shouldn't yell at my kids. I should be a better visiting teacher. I should make dinner. I could have been really good at the piano if I had practiced more. I would have gotten better grades if I had studied more and not played so much. I could have come out of college with less debt if I had practiced better financial restraint. I would be more productive if I got up sooner. I would be a better wife if I had dinner on the table by 5pm.
You get the idea. The list is endless, let me tell you.
However, over the years I have had some difficult lessons to learn with regard to this type of thinking. Life only grows harder with marriage and children. As these aspects of life have been added upon, I have been buried by all the things I woulda, coulda, shoulda. Gratefully, I've been able to find a great resource in counseling. Not all counselors are fabulous, mind you. But a couple of mine have been wonderful supports and learning resources. There is just something liberating about going to a one hour session and talking to someone who is trained to listen to and identify your thought patterns. They don't offer advice, they have helped me discover for myself how I think, where those thought patterns come from, and ways I can help myself. Then I can go home and never see them again until next time. It's nice!
Anyway, what I'm learning is that "should" needs to be removed from my vocabulary. I'm sure it's all semantics but for people like me it has a psychological effect called guilt. Instead of looking at all the things I should do or be, it is, in theory, better for me to see things that I need to do or want to do. Hold on, I'm thinking here. Maybe the should indicates a more passive, acted upon approach. To act on shoulds is out of obligation to someone or something else, another person, an expectation, etc. If I am thinking that I need to do something, I have taken responsibility for that action. Even more so if I perceive myself wanting to do or be something.
Maybe seeing things as wants or needs helps prioritize things as well. For example, I have scrapbooking stuff on a table in my room that is cluttering surfaces. It started out as a want but the longer it sits there, the more it becomes a should. I feel guilty that I'm not scrapbooking and getting it off my table into organized pages and books. That kind of defeats the purpose and fun of a hobby, eh? So, do I need to scrapbook? Not really. Do I want to scrapbook? Not right now, no. Looking at it this way removes the guilt of moving neither forward nor backward and helps me see clearly that putting it away is okay.
As for all those past regrets listed above, a lot of those have retreated into the background. Yes, I could have budgeted better in college but it's paid off now and I'm budgeting better now. Yes, I could have earned better grades but I wouldn't trade the lessons I learned or the experiences I had for anything. I wouldn't have had those lessons if I had done college differently. It would be nice to try school again though to see if I am more focused and motivated. I have learned to manage my time more effectively but I've also learned that I'm not the same type of productive powerhouse that many of my roommates were and are. I operate differently and that's okay. Well, to a certain degree I'm still working on feeling okay about that one. After dumping piano at 15 I took up a semester of lessons in college and really improved. Yes, I could be a lot better if I had practiced more in high school but I did try again and did better.
The closer I get to my current shoulds, the harder it is to write off as having dealt with them and moved on. I'm still working on the guilt I feel in how I handle my children. But more and more I'm pushing myself to find solutions instead of sitting around beating myself up then proceeding to repeat the same mistakes. I am also doing better at just saying, "Today wasn't a great day. We'll try again tomorrow," instead of stewing over my failure. The same goes for dinner. I don't beat myself up as much for not producing a prompt delicious three-course meal every night. I still feel guilty sometimes but I don't feel resistance from the should monster as much, especially when dinner is chicken nuggets or eggs and toast.
It's nice to think differently and see progress over time. Sometimes in the midst of the struggle life seems so hopeless and progress non-existent. But there are always the sun breaks and plateaus that help me to see how far I've come and a feeling that I can become the person I want to be.
One other lesson that I'm learning to apply is that I need to live in the present more. Think less on the past, which I love to do as an escape, stop daydreaming about the future, which also is a great escape, and live in the here and now. See my children in front of me, feel their warm hugs, hear their cute voices, appreciate their sweet personalities at this stage of their lives, and love them with my heart and body now. Same with my husband. Greet him when he comes home, look him in the eye, feel his skin on mine, appreciate the support he is providing right now, and love him with my heart and body now.
Okay, I'm getting off my soapbox now. These things do not come naturally to me so it is a big part of my life's work to improve in these areas and not because I should but because I need to and definitely want to.
Good stuff, huh? I think moms feeling guilt is a big one. I feel terrible when I make mistakes because I want to HELP my kids reach their potential. Some days it feels like maybe it went the other way. I also related to her reference of "productive powerhouse." Our roommates were and are AMAZING. Really, some of the neatest people I have ever known or will ever know. I have recognized (many times) that I'm really not a productive powerhouse (when I compare myself to others). But I'm okay with that now. I think we are all just different, and I don't think happiness in life is really about that "productiveness" that I admire in others. I've heard my mom say that the attitude of "there's always tomorrow" is a Duffin thing (her side of the family). My dad, on the other hand, is Mr. high energy. He is constantly GOING and never sits down. Strangely, since being more okay with that and not focusing on the woulda, coulda, shoulda, I feel like I have MORE ENERGY. More energy to love my family with and to do whatever it is that I want to do!! And to Mary..she is one of those great roommates that I admire :). She has a sweetness and a sparkle that is a rare thing. And her blog is so cool..it IS a PRODUCTIVE POWERHOUSE.
I haven't been good with taking pictures lately. And I'm trying not to feel guilty about it...HA! So, here is a Halloween picture that I never posted and I really want it on my blog record. The kids were super cute with the Peter Pan theme. Seth was Captain Hook, Jonah was Peter Pan, and Violet was Tinker Bell.
Jonah can't keep his eyes open for the camera flash.
Woulda, Coulda, Shoulda
Good evening! Let me step up on my soapbox of sorts for a few minutes. This phrase represents a very prevalent mindset for many people. However, since I am unqualified to speak for any more than myself, I will personalize it and you may do the same for yourself, if you wish.
Regret and guilt are too often the defining factors in my self respect and attitude toward life. I repeatedly and progressively feel the weight of all the things I should have done and should be doing if only; all the things I could have been or could be if only; and all the degrading justifications in the would have beens or would be if only. Some examples include, I shouldn't yell at my kids. I should be a better visiting teacher. I should make dinner. I could have been really good at the piano if I had practiced more. I would have gotten better grades if I had studied more and not played so much. I could have come out of college with less debt if I had practiced better financial restraint. I would be more productive if I got up sooner. I would be a better wife if I had dinner on the table by 5pm.
You get the idea. The list is endless, let me tell you.
However, over the years I have had some difficult lessons to learn with regard to this type of thinking. Life only grows harder with marriage and children. As these aspects of life have been added upon, I have been buried by all the things I woulda, coulda, shoulda. Gratefully, I've been able to find a great resource in counseling. Not all counselors are fabulous, mind you. But a couple of mine have been wonderful supports and learning resources. There is just something liberating about going to a one hour session and talking to someone who is trained to listen to and identify your thought patterns. They don't offer advice, they have helped me discover for myself how I think, where those thought patterns come from, and ways I can help myself. Then I can go home and never see them again until next time. It's nice!
Anyway, what I'm learning is that "should" needs to be removed from my vocabulary. I'm sure it's all semantics but for people like me it has a psychological effect called guilt. Instead of looking at all the things I should do or be, it is, in theory, better for me to see things that I need to do or want to do. Hold on, I'm thinking here. Maybe the should indicates a more passive, acted upon approach. To act on shoulds is out of obligation to someone or something else, another person, an expectation, etc. If I am thinking that I need to do something, I have taken responsibility for that action. Even more so if I perceive myself wanting to do or be something.
Maybe seeing things as wants or needs helps prioritize things as well. For example, I have scrapbooking stuff on a table in my room that is cluttering surfaces. It started out as a want but the longer it sits there, the more it becomes a should. I feel guilty that I'm not scrapbooking and getting it off my table into organized pages and books. That kind of defeats the purpose and fun of a hobby, eh? So, do I need to scrapbook? Not really. Do I want to scrapbook? Not right now, no. Looking at it this way removes the guilt of moving neither forward nor backward and helps me see clearly that putting it away is okay.
As for all those past regrets listed above, a lot of those have retreated into the background. Yes, I could have budgeted better in college but it's paid off now and I'm budgeting better now. Yes, I could have earned better grades but I wouldn't trade the lessons I learned or the experiences I had for anything. I wouldn't have had those lessons if I had done college differently. It would be nice to try school again though to see if I am more focused and motivated. I have learned to manage my time more effectively but I've also learned that I'm not the same type of productive powerhouse that many of my roommates were and are. I operate differently and that's okay. Well, to a certain degree I'm still working on feeling okay about that one. After dumping piano at 15 I took up a semester of lessons in college and really improved. Yes, I could be a lot better if I had practiced more in high school but I did try again and did better.
The closer I get to my current shoulds, the harder it is to write off as having dealt with them and moved on. I'm still working on the guilt I feel in how I handle my children. But more and more I'm pushing myself to find solutions instead of sitting around beating myself up then proceeding to repeat the same mistakes. I am also doing better at just saying, "Today wasn't a great day. We'll try again tomorrow," instead of stewing over my failure. The same goes for dinner. I don't beat myself up as much for not producing a prompt delicious three-course meal every night. I still feel guilty sometimes but I don't feel resistance from the should monster as much, especially when dinner is chicken nuggets or eggs and toast.
It's nice to think differently and see progress over time. Sometimes in the midst of the struggle life seems so hopeless and progress non-existent. But there are always the sun breaks and plateaus that help me to see how far I've come and a feeling that I can become the person I want to be.
One other lesson that I'm learning to apply is that I need to live in the present more. Think less on the past, which I love to do as an escape, stop daydreaming about the future, which also is a great escape, and live in the here and now. See my children in front of me, feel their warm hugs, hear their cute voices, appreciate their sweet personalities at this stage of their lives, and love them with my heart and body now. Same with my husband. Greet him when he comes home, look him in the eye, feel his skin on mine, appreciate the support he is providing right now, and love him with my heart and body now.
Okay, I'm getting off my soapbox now. These things do not come naturally to me so it is a big part of my life's work to improve in these areas and not because I should but because I need to and definitely want to.
Good stuff, huh? I think moms feeling guilt is a big one. I feel terrible when I make mistakes because I want to HELP my kids reach their potential. Some days it feels like maybe it went the other way. I also related to her reference of "productive powerhouse." Our roommates were and are AMAZING. Really, some of the neatest people I have ever known or will ever know. I have recognized (many times) that I'm really not a productive powerhouse (when I compare myself to others). But I'm okay with that now. I think we are all just different, and I don't think happiness in life is really about that "productiveness" that I admire in others. I've heard my mom say that the attitude of "there's always tomorrow" is a Duffin thing (her side of the family). My dad, on the other hand, is Mr. high energy. He is constantly GOING and never sits down. Strangely, since being more okay with that and not focusing on the woulda, coulda, shoulda, I feel like I have MORE ENERGY. More energy to love my family with and to do whatever it is that I want to do!! And to Mary..she is one of those great roommates that I admire :). She has a sweetness and a sparkle that is a rare thing. And her blog is so cool..it IS a PRODUCTIVE POWERHOUSE.
I haven't been good with taking pictures lately. And I'm trying not to feel guilty about it...HA! So, here is a Halloween picture that I never posted and I really want it on my blog record. The kids were super cute with the Peter Pan theme. Seth was Captain Hook, Jonah was Peter Pan, and Violet was Tinker Bell.
Jonah can't keep his eyes open for the camera flash.
Friday, February 20, 2009
Dance Party
Every so often we have a family dance party in our TV room. My new playlist highlights some of our favorite songs we blast on the speakers and jam out to. Kyle leads the whole party and makes us all laugh and feel free to dance like nerds. Although, Kyle is looking pretty good lately. I think he must be secretly practicing when I'm not around. He's got some good moves! It's so fun to see the boys and violet jump around and move to the beats. They absolutely love the crazy energy and the time together as a family. Who knew that Kyle would turn out to be such a FUN and COOL person to live with. He makes me laugh every day. I love his witty humor - I'm just not smart enough to be funny like that.
Now that I'm turning this into a post about how great my husband is, I might as well go all the way and get really mushy. Lately we have been on such a marriage high and all around life high. I feel like we've got humor, respect, emotion, quality time together, and believe it or not, some romance. We recently went on a trip together without the kids. The first night away we were lucky to be the last patrons allowed into a closing restaurant. We ended up being the last ones there. It was so nice to cuddle with my husband in the booth and be shamelessly in love. I feel like if I could, I would freeze our family in time - just the way we are now. I do have plans and goals for the future and I look forward to seeing the kids grow, but for the first time perhaps ever, I am so content with the now.
I'm smart enough to know that life ebbs and flows and that I should be pulling out a gigantic chunk of wood to knock on. I KNOW!!! that life will get hard and trying again (like it has at times in the past). I just won't be reporting it on my blog. I think it's those hard times (struggles with kids, illness, finances, whatever) that make the good times so poignant and appreciated. We can't know what is really good and wonderful if we don't know what is really hard and sad. Hopefully Kyle and I will remember this beautiful time and it will help get us through the next challenge to come our way.
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Lewis Littles Love Licorice
The little Lewis cousins:
Noah, Ethan, Chase, Joy, Seth, Jonah, Violet, and baby Kate.
What you don't see is Kyle in the foreground doing the gorilla dance. Believe me, you would laugh too! We tried to capture it on video but missed the chance...maybe next time.
Sunday, January 4, 2009
Christmas
Stockings are hung and ready for Santa
We stayed at Grandpa and Grandma Nielson's house with my brother Eric and his wife Melissa. Here the cousins are playing instruments and singing "Feliz Navidad."
Lilly and Ella are cute cousins. We are excited to hear if the next will be a boy or girl!!
What a beautiful Christmas dinner! We had soooo much food.
Let's eat!
Seth received awards at school for attendance and all As. We are just happy that he seems to be happy, if that makes sense.
For the class Party they had a snowball fight with cotton balls. They loved getting Mrs. Asay.
Here I am helping with the party and pouring hot chocolate.
The kids coming down the stairs Christmas morning.
Violet riding a really cute horsey (her cousin Ella's).
It snowed in Vegas and school was cancelled the next day! Wow! It was a beautiful Christmas gift. Seriously it was a bit of a downer Christmas for many families in Vegas (and the nation) with so many lost jobs and tight budgets...this made for a wonderful and beautiful memory. I love how when everything is covered in snow, especially when it it still snowing, the world becomes still and quiet. The snow muffles sounds, even traffic. I was driving home in the snow and saw cars around me sliding. When I slid for the second time (while creeping slowly), I pulled over and walked home! It was fun!
Just a dang cute picture to close with. It was a magical Christmas for us this year.
Saturday, December 6, 2008
Tree Shopping
We found a good one!
After tree shopping we went to In and Out Burger and then Dairy Queen. Yummy!
The tree is up and ready to decorate. Now the Christmas jitters are overcoming Seth and Jonah.
We stopped at a neighborhood with a a culd-a-sac gone wild. Each house has a different Disney theme. From 2-15 and Valle Verde, go south on Valle Verde and pass Paseo Verde. It is the first neighborhood on your left called Clear Water. We drove around for a minute and then POP! We found it. We loved the spider man hanging from his web strands (in the photo).
We are heading off to the tree lot. We threw the kid's seats into Kyle's truck. Yes, Violet's seat is dangerously lopsided and not stable. That's because we are AWESOME parents.
I want to eat this picture up! You are so fun Violet!
I tried to get a shot of the kids together. When I looked back on my camera, this is what I found. Poor Violet!
Friday, December 5, 2008
Thanksgiving
We had a wonderful Thanksgiving at the Lewis cabin. I am sad to be home now...back to real life.
Many of us tried the Wii for the first time. How COOL is the Wii!
Their favorite game was the tank wars.
We played lots of games for hours and hours. Some family from Jana's side spent the holiday at the cabin with us.
The kids are bundled up watching Rudolph in the basement.
Mark in the middle with Seth and Joy. Mark is almost finished with his first semester at BYUI.
Joy is playing with her pet Rocky. It was funny to see her dress him up and cart him around like her own doll. Violet was very aware of Rocky the whole trip. It wasn't unusual to hear her shrieking, "Wocky, Wocky!"
Many of us tried the Wii for the first time. How COOL is the Wii!
Their favorite game was the tank wars.
We played lots of games for hours and hours. Some family from Jana's side spent the holiday at the cabin with us.
The kids are bundled up watching Rudolph in the basement.
Mark in the middle with Seth and Joy. Mark is almost finished with his first semester at BYUI.
Joy is playing with her pet Rocky. It was funny to see her dress him up and cart him around like her own doll. Violet was very aware of Rocky the whole trip. It wasn't unusual to hear her shrieking, "Wocky, Wocky!"
Saturday, November 15, 2008
Park City
We are on our way up to see the gigantic hot pot at The Homestead.
We peeked down below and could see a deck for getting in the water and a beach ball floating around aimlessly.
This is Jonah at my Uncle Doug's house (my dad's brother). He is this wonderful eccentric brainiac. He's a retired neurosurgeon. He's really into hunting, and his house was built to showcase his trophies. Weird, I know. Makes me think of Gaston from Beauty and the Beast. Ironically they want to sell the house now because the bills are more than they planned for. It's really hard to find a buyer for this crazy customness.
More animals at Doug's house. This is just one photo and one angle. There are MORE animals and more rooms. He does have an awesome play room for the kids. That should make the house worth something :).
We had fun feeding ducks at the park. Kyle scored us an entire can of duck food from the visitor center nearby.
Kyle looking cool in his sunglasses.
Violet loved the ducks. Oddly they would not get as close to her as they would the boys. It was clear they were scared of Violet for some reason. We had our theories. The boys suggested her "Stinky Powers" which make her a fierce opponent in wresting matches at home.
We found this little visitor center on Main Street. It was a very relaxing trip and a good time with my parents!
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Bonding Brothers
Kyle went backpacking with his brother Cody and brother-in-law Josh. They set up camp near this stunning lake and reveled in manly things only. I wish I could have been a fly on a tree, but I was lucky to get these fun pictures.
Here's the group: Kyle, Josh, Cody.
That's Josh and the camp.
Josh and Cody
They caught tons of fish...maybe one hundred? If Kyle were standing here he'd remind me how many. They ate well out there in the wild wilderness, and they let the rest of the fish go.
Okay, so Kyle just walked in and said, Maybe 100??? It was more than 100 on Friday alone. Good thing I got that straightened out for the blog record!
I've heard there's a fine line between a man fishing and man standing on the shore looking like an idiot. This looks like fishing to me!
Those are some backpacking skills! Kyle really had a great time. I'm relieved he came back to his three little kids, wife, and job. I missed him!
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